This is the unfiltered story of me in various degrees and a journal of a significant project I am working on, the creation of an urn for my mothers ashes. These are MY experiences and MY opinions based on those experiences. I find it interesting to see how my writing changed from when I was only a month past my loss, to today. Some days, most days, I just didn’t have it in me, but here we are, one foot in front of the other. Some of my writing is a brain dump as I write fast and furiously. I have not edited beyond glaring spelling or spacing issues as I feel that removes the feeling from the writing. I have included photos, when I remembered to take them to try and show you what was going on for those that are visually stimulated. This will be the only post on here. I will post after this on our Facebook page and this is where you will find the pictures as well.
SO, without further ado, here we go
A bit of a back story
As a neurodivergent child, even adult, there wasn’t much that attracted me to the neurotypical world. It’s predictability, conformity to nonsensical patterns, rituals and expectations of existing inside a box. For that reason and a few others, as a child, I learned to not like art. The whole you can’t do that. You have to follow the rules. It can’t look like that. That’s not what a “” looks like! My outside the box concepts were never received well by teachers of the 70’s. I also hated math up until adulthood, but for different reasons. As a neurodivergent kid it just served no purpose for me and the neurotypical response to my curiosities of “why” were answered with “just because!” which really really turned me off. As an adult, I was in a better position to find out the answer to my why’s. It started to draw me in but, for me it still had no practical purpose. I’m not talking everyday math here. I’m talking Linear and Abstract Algebra, Finite math, Calculus, Geometry and Trig. Even when I started carving stone, about 15 years ago I still hadn’t connected the dots. As a neurodivergent i had all of these puzzle pieces with a sense they all went together but not picture to reference and in most cases, working in the dark. The aha moment hit me 5 years ago when I read a book called Sacred Geometry by Lieben. That led me, as most things that catch my interest, down a rabbit hole of reading everything I can get my hands on regarding Pi (π), Phi (φ), Golden Ratios, Golden Sections and Fibonacci sequences which gave me a picture to relate to for my puzzle and then a diagnosis 3 years ago of ADHD turned on the lights for me. Why tell all of this in a journal fo how I am creating an urn for my mothers ashes. I firmly believe, and this is the main driver for why I do my business USE and EGSI, is the belief that there are people out there who need something to relate to. A picture that gets them started on piecing together their own puzzle.
Dec 9, 2024
Took 3x3x5 block and started by quartering the entire block. The I circled the ends as my idea began to evolve. For me that’s how it all works as my ideas and concepts evolve on the fly. So I have an almost goblet like structure. Round cup round stepped dais like base with a thick central column between the two with a lid that will sit over top of the opening, also stepped dais looking.
Dec 10, 2024
cut the lid off today drew on the stepped dais look but when I was looking at the lines drawn on the lid I can also see a flower. How can I see a flower? I don’t know I just do. Round underneath to fit into the well that gracefully opens into a flower of some kind. Then I start looking at the column between the cup and base and start to wonder if it will be to fine. I start to look at the piece and draw on a thicker stem and start to see instead of a central column four flowing support structures holding up the bowl.
Dec 13, 2024
Drew the flower design on the top side of the lid today. Perhaps I can get the holes for the base drilled this weekend, perhaps even hollow out the bowl.
Dec 14, 2024
Did outline work on both sides of the lid. Started to get a feel for the stone and its different qualities. It was hard on the hands because it has been almost a month and a half since I put chisel to stone.
Dec 15, 2024
Started to look at the urn bowl this morning. Turning the piece over and over in my hand I start to see all the angles, where the cuts are and I see the piece finished. I tend to work backwards from that image but it is always penciled in because if something unpredictable happens something breaks or it just doesn’t look right I switch on the fly with what I have and let creativity guide me.
Dec 21st, 2024
Starting drilling the holes for the base but my previous system of securing the piece in the drill press just wasn’t working. The piece was too unstable and my rigging tended to let go creating a major safety issue. So, I went onto Amazon and purchased a vice for the drill press. Will arrive on the 27th.
Dec 27th, 2024
Vice arrived. Need bolts to secure it to the DP. Will get those tomorrow.
Dec 30th, 2024
Installed the vice.
January 1st 2025
Drilled the holes and the bowl. So much nicer to work with when the piece is secure in a vice. Now the sculpting can begin.
January 5th, 2025
Started sculpting the first bowl support. I experimented with how I want this support to blend with the bowl and the base. Initially it is a slow process. A few chisel strokes and few rasp pushes assess and see if anything jumps out at me then rinse repeat until something sticks. I also have to start seeing the shape of the bottom of the bowl and how it interacts with the rest of the piece and do the same for the bowl lip. For me this occurs simultaneously as I do a bit of work and then spin it and look for the finished piece in the raw, spin it again and look at it from another angles until I have covered all the angles then remove more stone rinse repeat.
January 16th
I have found that being creative and curious is so very challenging when you are in the triad of ADHD, grief and depression which is why it has been 11 days since the last time I tried to do any work. Today I actually did the work in my studio with the door open letting in the beautiful warm air and basking in the pleasantly warm sunlight. I worked today on reducing the bowl supports in diameter and separating them from each other while starting to sculpt the shape of the base they sit upon.
January 23rd
Started to focus my attention on one of the four legs. I started to reduce the bottom that touches the base while at the same time building the bevel on the top side of the base. As I worked on the leg I also start to sweep the side and bottom of the bowl in relation to the legs where they will connect with the bowl.
January 24th
Today I worked on the lid of the urn. I focused on a deeper outline of the flower centre and the leaves. I outlined the leaves on all three planes to start to get a feel for how things will look compared to how I have pictured it in my mind. I leave a fair amount of space in the outlining to make sure I can change directions if needed, but more importantly, to make sure I have enough thickness support for the rough and fine work to come.
The one thing I have notice, which can certainly be the case with soapstone, is the variability in mineral composition and therefore hardness across the piece. This makes it even more important to be aware of thickness and pressure points while sculpting.
I also did a little more work on defining the leg support for the bowl as I worked at rounding the leg and foot in its entirety. Once again this will start to give me a sense of my vision and, if something else appears, take advantage of that. Remember, as you work, it is a constant balance between creativity and curiosity. It is not a fast process, as you only have so much stone to acquire your vision, and this can be a challenge for me given my sometimes powerful drive to get to the finish line. It is slowing down, being open and curious of what is possible, despite your plan, and being creative in finding the balance between the emerging possibilities and your vision of the final product.
